and so i give (i'm still giving)
Dec. 30th, 2024 10:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tiny_voicesit's the end of the year, which feels like a good time to post here again. is that cliched? who cares
i've had this prevailing thought for a few weeks now, which is: i think i grew up this year. obviously you never stop growing and developing your humanity (unless you lack enough principles to become disgustingly wealthy, perhaps) but this year... i dunno. certain heavy things happened, a sort of looking mortality in the face for the first time really. in truth things really could have been worse, but i've felt like i haven't entirely been the same after this summer, compared to before. july-september was another notch in the "oh, my childhood is over now" thing that i think people go through in their own ways over the course of their lives.
on a more positive note, i also think i made some progress with... coexisting i guess? framing it like interpersonal relationships feels overwrought. i learned how to interface with my roommates and think about those interactions in healthier ways. i did not allow myself (read: i was encouraged not to by my friends) to mire in negative, self-loathing, not-actually-happening fighty thought processes and thus, became more of an adult about this whole sharing the earth with other humans thing.
i also developed, or am still developing, a more healthy relationship with The Internet, namely social media. it's a fucking pit, and i was raised in that pit. but i'm trying to take it less seriously and personally these days, and sometimes if i'm doing real good, i'm even online less than usual. the world has a lot of awful shit happening in it, and many people have many awful shit things to say about everything. disconnecting from that is good, actually. i know, this is the hottest most sizzling take ever put to a text box, but it's also one of those things you don't really grasp until you... actually grasp it. i dunno.
so all of this culminates in feeling (for sort of the first time in my life i've recognized it?) that i grew up this year. i don't feel like i'm a whole different bean now-- my brand is much too strong and stubborn for that-- but things just feel a little different. and that's okay. some of it is hard and scary. i'm really uncertain of things sometimes. but ehh. just another day on planet earth i guess
now that i've waxed introspective and serious, let's talk about fun things i did! the second homebrew dnd game my roommate ran ended this year. it was very good and a lot of fun. my character in that game is maybe my favorite character i've made. love that gay idiot. i also played like 30 sessions in the dnd game my cousin is running still-- lots of fun in that one with my gay idiot (dude version) too. i finally finished (the first draft of it, at least) my own PBtA game system!!!!! and lately i've been planning things for the first game of it to be run in the new year!!! so far the characters my friends have made for it are a hoot and everyone's bringing such fun creative energy to it, it's rad. i watched all of Buffy this year! i watched most of Daria this year (still re-watching it currently), what an amazing cartoon. i listened to like 1000+ hours of music this year! i started watching wrestling this spring and it's been surprisingly entertaining and enriching for me. i decorated the shit out of my bedroom and got my roommates gifts for birthdays and christmas this year. i re-read the locked tomb this year and got my roommate into the series too (progress there is slow, but it's going...). i had a nice semester of work this fall/winter and got two tattoos. i've somehow convinced my friends that i'm a cool person! waow!
new year's resolutions are kind of a crapshoot, but i like the idea of having a little list of things you'd like to aim for at the start of things. so here's my half-baked resolutions for 2025:
- Run the first session of my game (eXtraOrdinary)
- Cook more / learn to cook more things
- Each week, listen to an album i haven't heard before (bonus: post my reviews of them to this very journal)
- Slow down a little
along with the usual "write and draw more" that i've been resolving to do for the past five or something years, of course. let's hope 2025 isn't too hard on me.
and you, reading this, i hope your 2025 isn't too hard on you either. good luck and godspeed for us both
i've had this prevailing thought for a few weeks now, which is: i think i grew up this year. obviously you never stop growing and developing your humanity (unless you lack enough principles to become disgustingly wealthy, perhaps) but this year... i dunno. certain heavy things happened, a sort of looking mortality in the face for the first time really. in truth things really could have been worse, but i've felt like i haven't entirely been the same after this summer, compared to before. july-september was another notch in the "oh, my childhood is over now" thing that i think people go through in their own ways over the course of their lives.
on a more positive note, i also think i made some progress with... coexisting i guess? framing it like interpersonal relationships feels overwrought. i learned how to interface with my roommates and think about those interactions in healthier ways. i did not allow myself (read: i was encouraged not to by my friends) to mire in negative, self-loathing, not-actually-happening fighty thought processes and thus, became more of an adult about this whole sharing the earth with other humans thing.
i also developed, or am still developing, a more healthy relationship with The Internet, namely social media. it's a fucking pit, and i was raised in that pit. but i'm trying to take it less seriously and personally these days, and sometimes if i'm doing real good, i'm even online less than usual. the world has a lot of awful shit happening in it, and many people have many awful shit things to say about everything. disconnecting from that is good, actually. i know, this is the hottest most sizzling take ever put to a text box, but it's also one of those things you don't really grasp until you... actually grasp it. i dunno.
so all of this culminates in feeling (for sort of the first time in my life i've recognized it?) that i grew up this year. i don't feel like i'm a whole different bean now-- my brand is much too strong and stubborn for that-- but things just feel a little different. and that's okay. some of it is hard and scary. i'm really uncertain of things sometimes. but ehh. just another day on planet earth i guess
now that i've waxed introspective and serious, let's talk about fun things i did! the second homebrew dnd game my roommate ran ended this year. it was very good and a lot of fun. my character in that game is maybe my favorite character i've made. love that gay idiot. i also played like 30 sessions in the dnd game my cousin is running still-- lots of fun in that one with my gay idiot (dude version) too. i finally finished (the first draft of it, at least) my own PBtA game system!!!!! and lately i've been planning things for the first game of it to be run in the new year!!! so far the characters my friends have made for it are a hoot and everyone's bringing such fun creative energy to it, it's rad. i watched all of Buffy this year! i watched most of Daria this year (still re-watching it currently), what an amazing cartoon. i listened to like 1000+ hours of music this year! i started watching wrestling this spring and it's been surprisingly entertaining and enriching for me. i decorated the shit out of my bedroom and got my roommates gifts for birthdays and christmas this year. i re-read the locked tomb this year and got my roommate into the series too (progress there is slow, but it's going...). i had a nice semester of work this fall/winter and got two tattoos. i've somehow convinced my friends that i'm a cool person! waow!
new year's resolutions are kind of a crapshoot, but i like the idea of having a little list of things you'd like to aim for at the start of things. so here's my half-baked resolutions for 2025:
- Run the first session of my game (eXtraOrdinary)
- Cook more / learn to cook more things
- Each week, listen to an album i haven't heard before (bonus: post my reviews of them to this very journal)
- Slow down a little
along with the usual "write and draw more" that i've been resolving to do for the past five or something years, of course. let's hope 2025 isn't too hard on me.
and you, reading this, i hope your 2025 isn't too hard on you either. good luck and godspeed for us both
