tiny_voices | Entries tagged with rambling

i think maybe the moments when it feels best to be a writer— or, i'd presume, an artist, or whatever sort of Creative one may be— are the quick, quiet ones, stolen almost, during a shift at work or some other time that isn't really yours, when you're writing or reading (or what have you) and realize that's what your life really is. the job is a necessity, but it's background noise. the people around you that don't get it— set dressing. they're involved in plays outside of your own. but you have this secret inner world, this secret land either of your own making or from a fellow artist's making, and even though it's fictional, it feels more real than the din and motion around you. soon, the shift will be over, the meeting will end, your obligation will be fulfilled, and then you can return to your actual life, what you actually care about.

not in a way that confuses reality with fiction; quite the opposite. the fiction, even in its flaws and drama and impossibilities, is safer and brighter than the worlds we're actually inhabiting. the world i made is, in some ways, a dollhouse, but i can share it with other like-minded weirdos and they can add their own dolls and dollhouses, and the possibilities there go on forever, and that connection is everything. isn't it? the job is bullshit. the obligations are bullshit. the people in power angry at everything they don't understand are bullshit. but our art? that's something we can focus on and thrive on and feel good about it. that's what life ought to be. these moments are like little glimpses into a better world.

(all this inspired by: sitting in a classroom at another person's desk, reading a friend's series of vignettes about his RPG character, and feeling a shimmer of something)

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: waiting room - fugazi

okay so i haven't posted in forever but if i'm gonna post just once in this blue moon, it should be on 4/13, no?

i don't exactly recall why i stopped posting here, aside from the usual 'just didn't feel like it,' but i think it had something to do with my de-prioritizing my Sound System posts because i was more invested in my other avenues of writing, most of which were never destined to be shared here. i have still been listening to a new album every week though, and i started listing them all on a spreadsheet. here's all the new (to me) albums i have gone through since the year began that i haven't written up a review for:

Witch - Witch (2006)
The Cure - Pornography (1982)
Jets to Brazil - Orange Rhyming Dictionary (1998)
Depeche Mode - Some Great Reward (1984)
Straight Line Stitch - To Be Godlike (2006)
Story of the Year - Page Avenue (2003)
The Clash - London Calling (1979)
AFI - Sing the Sorrow (2003)
Nirvana - Bleach (1989)
Origami Angel - Feeling Not Found (2024)

i've generally enjoyed these albums and have been able to capital-L Like at least one or two tracks from each. i haven't really branched out that much from what i already listen to a lot, which i would still like to do as the year goes on.

as for life in general, it's happening in a pretty typical fashion. going to work, playing a Lot of PokeRogue, contending with the constant droning hum of the state of the world in the background. my roommates and i have been doing this thing where we share our creative endeavors every sunday to sort of foster motivation/encouragement to make cool things. i was actually drawing in my sketchbook a lot more than usual for a couple weeks there (spring break). that's kind of slowed down but this week at least i did a little writing and some designing of fakemon (fake pokemon) just for shits and giggles. but that's a fun process, developing my idea in multiple drafts until i end up with the final design i like the most. this is probably very standard in character design, but it's a little novel to me. it's also a little novel to me to be learning how to be cool with imperfection in my art. gotta turn off that evil perfectionist creature in my brain, or at least lower its volume.

oh, and there was the bigass tornado-producing storm we in the midwest experienced last week. the tornadoes were not actually produced here where i live, but the storm did knock out power for large chunks of the city for a day or so and school was cancelled for two days. it was scary, having all the lights go out and then the rain (and hail, apparently?) and the wind making the house make noises, constant lightning making the sky look like a foggy rave, and huddling with my roommates in the master bedroom closet. but we were not hurt and our house wasn't damaged either. the morning after i walked around the neighborhood and saw several houses with tree limbs or whole trees fallen on them, wrecking overhangs and porches, lines down, all that. wild shit. it's the sort of thing that makes you wanna not live in the tornado-est area of the States, but it's tough just moving somewhere else. like even just financially.

anywayyyyyyyy... wrestlemania's next weekend! i've been watching wrestling for a whole year now. still really fun. never would've expected to get as much juice and pulp out of such a ridiculous theatrical concept, but there's nothing exactly like it. sip sip. (terrible. i don't even like pulp. whatever, the metaphor stands.) i also finished my second complete watch of Daria. still fantastic. and i've (tentatively) suckered another person into also watching it. all part of my evil plan. i started re-watching critical role's campaign 2 because the Mighty Nein is king, but i really fell off with that one after 20 or so episodes. great actual play stuff but it's just... a lot of video. hundreds of hours. maybe i'll get back to it, maybe not.

i got another tattoo. just a little guy on my right hand. sketchy heart-shaped skull, from the comic Serenity Rose which everyone should read. that's another part of my evil plan. go read it now! anyway now i kinda want another hand tattoo, one to match it on my opposite hand. it never ends, i tell ya

there's also another notable life update, but i choose to keep my explanation of that very short and very vague: onions are good.

so yeah i dunno, i'm alright. this is a post. there will be more in the future, maybe soon, maybe later. hang in there, kids.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: if i fall - the story so far

probably not going to do a Sound System review this week. just 'cause. i will still try to fit in a listen-through some album off my list here in the coming hours though. possibly this stoner metal band Witch that my roommate discovered by sifting through many, many records in a flea market last weekend.

it was a cool little shop-- somehow i hadn't realized a flea market was basically an antique shop? sorta? either that or i've been using the term "antique shop" incorrectly, but words are made up, so whatever. (i also kinda figured flea markets were like, open air, but we definitely wouldn't have been perusing one of those in this weather.) i walked out of there with a dark red Avon Cape Cod glass, labelled as a "ruby gothic mug," and it makes me feel a little like a vampire when i drink out of it. also had a very nice visit with the local witch store cats. one in particular was a perfect baby, very social, very friendly, greeting all who came in. i don't participate in any witchy things-- nothing wrong with them, but i'm afraid the ritual-ness of them would hit me in a bad spot mental illness-wise-- but it's kinda neat to sit back and observe my roommate's developing interest in them from a safe distance. and hey, i did get a surprise check from my insurance company during the month she did a cinnamon ritual, so maybe that stuff works sometimes. nothing wrong with a little whimsy.

i got to enjoy some shortened work days tuesday and wednesday, thanks to it being Really Fucking Cold. hurts to breathe levels of cold. i heard from a student that the teacher i subbed for apparently speaks fondly of me to her students, which is nice. i am not sure what she has to brag or otherwise muse about; i'm pretty sure i was only in her class for one semester, and more than 10 years ago to boot. sure, it was a creative writing class and i am a creative writer, and i majored in that same subject in college, but i wasn't like, a teacher's pet or anything. i think most of this teacher's experiences with me consist of me quietly doing my work in her class. maybe my writing assignments just left an impression on her? maybe she appreciated that i submitted a poem to the school's writing/art magazine? i don't know. sometimes it's hard to understand what other people see in us and like so much, but i'm grateful for it anyway. and she's a good teacher, a good person.

(my poem for that magazine was very inspired by twenty one pilots, by the way. it was opposite to a piece of homestuck fanart. ah, 2013.)

these past few days i've played through Hypnospace Outlaw, just finished it last night. very good game! i had actually started it twice previously but got stuck and dropped it, unfortunately. it's a game you can really deep dive into, just looking around at things and getting an idea of the world the game exists in. or more accurately, discovering how every username and interaction online connects back to actual people with rich inner lives and complexities. plus it's set in the late 90s so that's up my alley from the jump. earlier today i also got Slayers X, which is a rather different beast in terms of gameplay (it's a DOOM shooter) but in-universe it's made by one of the users you encounter in Hypnospace Outlaw. i loved his edgy-ass page that autoplayed Linkin Park-esque jams. Seepage does in fact rock. anyway if you like old internet shit and puzzles, please play Hypnospace Outlaw it's really good

a while ago i took a shot at cooking a simple recipe i found online, to make dinner for myself and my roommates. it was a one skillet stuffed pepper kinda thing, and... it came out pretty good! could maybe use a little more flavor, and my roommates suggested adding some pasta and maybe some onions to it, but it was very edible. i made a food and it was good. go me! i should/will do that again sometime

this week i will be trying to get my shit together for another eXtraOrdinary session, which has been slow work so far, and just generally trying to take it easy beyond that. and then, finally, january will be the fuck over. hallelujah peanut butter.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: nothing left for me - seepage

If I'm gonna keep up with these weekly album listens, I'm gonna need to not do them at the last moment on Sundays. Not beating myself up about it, because it's a self-imposed thing and it doesn't matter (shout out to mental health), but I dunno, it's weird because Sunday is like... technically part of the next week, right? Calendar-wise, I mean. Even though that flat out contradicts with it being part of the weekend. Whatever. Maybe this week I'll find a time to sit through an album and generate more than a handful of words, which is all I managed with this one. This one being haha by The Garden.

Granted, the limited amount of time between when I started the album and when I would've responsibly gone to bed for work the next day was not the only reason I didn't crank out a bunch of Thoughts on these songs. The other reason is that I just don't have a lot to say about them. First of all, out of 17 tracks, only two of them are longer than three minutes (and even those are barely longer than that). Not unusual to me, short songs, but on top of the short length of the songs is the either strange, lacking context aspect of the lyrics, or the repetitive and not particularly deep depths of the lyrics. Also, much of the time, the instrumentals are sparing, limited usually to a simple beat, bass and/or guitar, and some keyboardy, techno-y decorations. These are not bad, but they're not broad landscapes, so to speak. That being said, the bass does stand out on the album and has a thrumming twangy tone to it that's nice to chomp on. Crunch crunch.

My song-by-song Notepad file ended up pretty sparse, so I'll just summarize my thoughts broadly rather than going through each track individually. (click to read)

haha is kinda like the soundtrack to a gang of evil jesters born no earlier than 1998 doing crimes, or at the very least prowling and talking about doing crimes, and then celebrating. There are occasional shades of corporate, white fence, capitalist zombie-esque lyrics, and then there's the songs about clubbing. And I'm pretty sure they're referring to drugs, at least a few times for sure. Two tracks refer to something called "VV" and the latter track says "Vada Vada." Don't know what that is and I'm choosing to let it remain a mystery (after all, I am not an evil jester. I'm just evil). Sometimes the music reminds me of Crash Bash, a party game set in the Crash Bandicoot series, and sometimes the music reminds me of The Outsiders, specifically the movie version with the twangy guitar soundtrack. Strange things happening in this album. Like, if you were to imagine surf rock mixing with drums and bass mixing with post punk... you might imagine something like this album. Or maybe your brain wouldn't know what to even create with that set of components. It's not bad, and the songs are short so it's not a hard thing to sit and listen through, but yeah.

Highlights are "Crystal Clear," "Vexation," "haha," and "This Could Build Us a Home." "Red Green Yellow" is creative in that it's a song from the perspective of a traffic light. The two longest tracks, "Egg" and "Devour," feel the most conventional, and I thought "Everything Has a Face" is rather underwhelming. "We Be Grindin'" sounds like a meme, and I'm still trying to imagine the scene where it would be playing and getting the crowd pumped. I'd say it's satire of "up in the club" types of songs, but I would not put my money on it. Shoplift to "I'll Stop by Tomorrow Night." The title track is kinda like the evil version of the Wii Shop Channel music.

Lyrics I noted for being fun, catchy, or interesting in a way that had I been a dog I would have tilted my head curiously at:

"Take your sunglasses off and put them back on again / I've created a force field and I hope no one breaks it."

"Hip swing, hip swing, means nothing if you don't have thighs." [...] "Hiiiii!"

"You can't wish away what happened / you can't do so wrong / and live, care, live free."

"Lies are made by stories which we think of when we sleep."

"I wonder what's behind that cloak / whatever, oh well, whatever, oh well."

"I live by my knife, I'm so petty / like a ghost with flip flops, I'm not heavy."

"Don't dwell on it, fucker / don't dwell on it, fish."

Weird album. Fun and eerie, but I feel like I'm missing something.

IN OTHER NEWS -

I've officially survived the transition of going back to work after a vacation. Work opportunities were a bit dry this time last year so I'm glad to go back, despite the fact that it's, you know, work. My job is not bad, dare I say. I got color added to my tattoo last week. The tattoo artists were playing Lord of the Rings on their TV; my roommate (my ride) asked if "that guy from Critical Role" was playing Elrond. I thought she meant Matt Mercer, but she meant Liam O'Brien. Neither of these people played Elrond. I was a brave boy and cleared snow from our decks and driveway last week. Monday Night Raw debuted on Netflix and Rhea Ripley, god bless her, is champion again.

Perhaps most exciting: the first ever session of my game (eXtraOrdinary, XO for short) is scheduled for this coming Saturday! My plans are basically ready! Characters have been made and roleplayed! where doing it man. where MAKING THIS HAPEN

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: haha - the garden

it's the end of the year, which feels like a good time to post here again. is that cliched? who cares

i've had this prevailing thought for a few weeks now, which is: i think i grew up this year. obviously you never stop growing and developing your humanity (unless you lack enough principles to become disgustingly wealthy, perhaps) but this year... i dunno. certain heavy things happened, a sort of looking mortality in the face for the first time really. in truth things really could have been worse, but i've felt like i haven't entirely been the same after this summer, compared to before. july-september was another notch in the "oh, my childhood is over now" thing that i think people go through in their own ways over the course of their lives.

on a more positive note, i also think i made some progress with... coexisting i guess? framing it like interpersonal relationships feels overwrought. i learned how to interface with my roommates and think about those interactions in healthier ways. i did not allow myself (read: i was encouraged not to by my friends) to mire in negative, self-loathing, not-actually-happening fighty thought processes and thus, became more of an adult about this whole sharing the earth with other humans thing.

i also developed, or am still developing, a more healthy relationship with The Internet, namely social media. it's a fucking pit, and i was raised in that pit. but i'm trying to take it less seriously and personally these days, and sometimes if i'm doing real good, i'm even online less than usual. the world has a lot of awful shit happening in it, and many people have many awful shit things to say about everything. disconnecting from that is good, actually. i know, this is the hottest most sizzling take ever put to a text box, but it's also one of those things you don't really grasp until you... actually grasp it. i dunno.

so all of this culminates in feeling (for sort of the first time in my life i've recognized it?) that i grew up this year. i don't feel like i'm a whole different bean now-- my brand is much too strong and stubborn for that-- but things just feel a little different. and that's okay. some of it is hard and scary. i'm really uncertain of things sometimes. but ehh. just another day on planet earth i guess

now that i've waxed introspective and serious, let's talk about fun things i did! the second homebrew dnd game my roommate ran ended this year. it was very good and a lot of fun. my character in that game is maybe my favorite character i've made. love that gay idiot. i also played like 30 sessions in the dnd game my cousin is running still-- lots of fun in that one with my gay idiot (dude version) too. i finally finished (the first draft of it, at least) my own PBtA game system!!!!! and lately i've been planning things for the first game of it to be run in the new year!!! so far the characters my friends have made for it are a hoot and everyone's bringing such fun creative energy to it, it's rad. i watched all of Buffy this year! i watched most of Daria this year (still re-watching it currently), what an amazing cartoon. i listened to like 1000+ hours of music this year! i started watching wrestling this spring and it's been surprisingly entertaining and enriching for me. i decorated the shit out of my bedroom and got my roommates gifts for birthdays and christmas this year. i re-read the locked tomb this year and got my roommate into the series too (progress there is slow, but it's going...). i had a nice semester of work this fall/winter and got two tattoos. i've somehow convinced my friends that i'm a cool person! waow!

new year's resolutions are kind of a crapshoot, but i like the idea of having a little list of things you'd like to aim for at the start of things. so here's my half-baked resolutions for 2025:

- Run the first session of my game (eXtraOrdinary)
- Cook more / learn to cook more things
- Each week, listen to an album i haven't heard before (bonus: post my reviews of them to this very journal)
- Slow down a little

along with the usual "write and draw more" that i've been resolving to do for the past five or something years, of course. let's hope 2025 isn't too hard on me.

and you, reading this, i hope your 2025 isn't too hard on you either. good luck and godspeed for us both

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: J.A.R. - green day

you may be wondering, what's bean been up to lately?

well, no, you're probably not wondering that. but i'm nice so i'll answer the hypothetical anyway. you're welcome.

my roommates and i have been watching the new season of Arcane, week by week(ly arc). i think there are valid criticisms to be made about the substance of the show, but man it's a treat to look at. the style is fucking there. the colors and artstyle and subtleties, chomp chomp chomp i'm eating it. also spiraling emo piece of shit Vi is the best Vi and catered just for me. thank you Fortiche. but also it's nice to sit down and watch stuff with my roommates regularly like that-- because i'm weird and have the finicky brain of a cat it's sometimes a struggle to simply sit and exist around them in a normal fashion, but we're making it work. congrats to me for being a person with other persons. i've also gotten them started on Buffy but Arcane has detracted from that, alas

i somehow got back into Risk of Rain 2 in the past week or so, gunning for some achievements/unlockables. after much effort and many failed runs, i FINALLY cleared Monsoon with my girl the Artificer last night and got her special chrome outfit. i'm a gaymer now. running the game a lot is also a good way to catch up on long videos (read: critical role). we also convinced my fave skeleton Malus to play the game with us huehue

i got my second tattoo a couple weeks ago. it's a dirk knife framed by peach flowers. beyond just looking cool and sorta representing the concept of rage and love, it's also a piece for my parents. this couples well with the "you can't take loved away" quote on my other arm. yes i am sometimes a sentimental bitch. but the tattoo is awesome and basically healed now. only thing is, the colored ink (green, there's a little emerald in the pommel of the knife) just... didn't take on my skin. it all came off in the scab process. luckily the tattoo artist already offered to add color to the flowers as a free touch-up, so hopefully in a while i can get the color for real this time. i've also got some ideas for tattoo #3. you know before i got my first one i was like "nah, i'm not gonna be someone that immediately wants more ink." haha wrong

last week my roommates and i went to an "artisans and authors" fair at the public library and purchased some locally-made crafts. it was fun. i got some christmas gifts squared away early and got myself a little resin ghost keychain. i've been wearing it on a pants-chains i already had (fuck with me). i checked out a sci-fi novel by Becky Chambers called The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet. so far it slaps. very good vibes and charming characters. i'm a little less than halfway through, so maybe this will change, but it seems almost more... conceptual than narrative-focused? there is an on-going narrative, events are taking place and there's an ultimate Thing the characters are working toward, but mostly there's not been like, an on-going conflict or issue they're contending with. conflict doesn't seem to be the focus of the book, it overall seems more concerned with worldbuilding and musing on its own concepts and characters, almost in a slice-of-life manner. i don't say this as a bad thing. really it's very interesting. but i'm a writer and i'm pawing at the Craft of it all as well as simply enjoying the words on the paper. books good. stories good.

this month i've been aiming for an average of 400 words written each day, which i've managed for the most part. this may coincide with Nanowrimo but i'm not aiming to do a whole novel, nor have i ever done that. but the act of writing regularly is good for me to do at least occasionally. the running theme is simply things that would take place in my RPG setting-- flesh it out, experiment with my characters, ride vibes, etc. i think it's been a good experiment. maybe i'll keep up with it a little even after the month is over. or i won't, that's okay too. i'm gonna be nice to myself about it, dammit

we got actual snow yesterday, and it actually stuck for a whole day. the family next door had a snowball fight. thanksgiving is next week (i might end up going to two different gatherings). we're hangin' in there, folks

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: get yourself a friend - ultra q

i almost hate to say this, because we're at a point where things are either going to get worse or stay about as bad as they currently are, but i'm looking forward to when election season is over. we went and did early voting over the weekend (we were in line for about two hours, but hey, at least the family behind us was cool and we passed some time chatting with them) and i don't regret my vote but it's like... even the "good" choice still sucks? and i don't feel i have the tools or ability (or location lol) to really do anything more concrete, other than vague stuff i'm already doing like just... not being an asshole, i guess?

and no, this isn't me asking for advice or suggestions, rather i'm just using this place to express that my feelings are complicated and, overall, not great. it'd be bad enough if i didn't (willingly, for i am a fool) subject myself to the internet(TM) where a thousand other angry, shitty people's opinions are exposed to me. it's weird, i have a strong sense of self, but i feel like i'm also rather strongly swayed by the thoughts and feelings of other people. even if i solidly disagree with them. because... i mean, i don't know everything. hell, i know very little. how can i actually be sure that my opinions and principals are well-formed? sure, there's no one right way to be a person, but i'd prefer to be a good one. we live in a system where that's kind of hard to do, materially. i usually stay in my lane and don't make it a point to spread lots of negativity (even when i feel like shit) but how many people am i even reaching when i advocate for basic decency? am i advocating the right things, in the right way? does it actually make a difference? if i go through the trouble to take up new skills or just generally make changes to my lifestyle, will it actually be something that results in a net gain? is it worth it to try?

...the answer to the last question, at least, is probably yes. but idk man, sometimes i'm tired and have my hands full with the basics. am i a bad person because i doubt i'm even cut out to do anything that means anything?

in short, the internet(TM) has ways of making me feel like shit, like i should be guilty and doing more-- oh, but not that way, THIS way. if you do it that OTHER way, you're a piece of shit. it should not come as a surprise that this year i've really been noticing how unhealthy social media is. my (undiagnosed?) OCD has almost certainly been made worse because of it. and yet...

anyway. i work on halloween. i'll be dressed up as a well-adjusted adult.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: zombie - the cranberries

finding myself wandering back down the rabbit hole that is the 2000s emo scene developing and crashing as my fall break winds down. finding inspiration and entertainment in pete wentz's old livejournal entries from 2005-2006. i have more band OCs floating around in my head (i'm even managing to draw a few of them, when i can get my focus in check). i don't exclusively make OCs that are in bands but it's fun to make them because then you have a whole band to build around them. you can make a playlist of what the band would sound like, branch off into other bands that influence them, develop their group dynamic, think of what their fans would think of them, even draft lyrics for what their songs are like. bands are just cool. they exist in little eras-- during this time period they had this album out and their hair looked like this and they dressed like that, etc etc. and many of my favorite bands/albums are from (surprise surprise) the 90s/00s which has gone on to become especially interesting to me because i was alive back then, but i wasn't really around for the "culture" of it.

i mean, i'm all about it now, but it's not really nostalgia, exactly, because i was, for example, 9 years old in 2004. sure, american idiot came out that year, but i wasn't screaming about green day because i was in 3rd grade and all i cared about was pokemon, neopets, and teen titans. i wasn't old enough to be obsessed with daria and buffy, i wasn't really even old enough to understand them with any depth. i didn't get a gamecube until i was like 12 years old and i wasn't reading shit like electronic gaming monthly or nintendo power, keeping up with new releases or griping about new trends in gaming. it's like there's this whole world of shit that's so beancore, but that i didn't get to explore because i was busy learning long division and trying to beat the champion fight in leafgreen. i wasn't on the pulse point of the internet; i was playing sutek's tomb and watching stupidass flash animations. but now, i can explore it, with hindsight and a perspective that allows me to appreciate the culture of that era. and make fun of it too, of course. those were post-9/11 years, after all.

i got caught up on critical role (again) after losing touch with it while i was watching buffy. i don't know why i tend to second guess staying up to date with the show, or put off watching new episodes-- they're long, sure, but i always end up really enjoying it. i'd also planned on watching the new season of legend of vox machina, but it's coming out piecemeal and i think it might be better to watch it once it's fully released. and really i'm just biding my time until the mighty nein show comes out.... mighty nein my beloved

my hair is freshly bleached, though some touch-ups are planned for later today to make it all more or less even. shout out to my roommate for doing that for me and putting up with me complaining about my ears itching from the bleach. i did two pieces of digital art during this break(!) and scribbled up a "zero draft" of something that i'll maybe post...? i dunno. i have vague ambitions (i'm not good at those) of making some sort of collection of short stories set in my rpg setting. some day i gotta sit down and Plan that. maybe while i'm at work-- that sounds silly, but you'd be surprised how effective it is to be at work but do something else besides your job.

oh also: i got another tattoo scheduled. november 6th. that's gonna be fuuuunnn

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: my sweet fracture - saves the day

with september nearly over, i've been scrambling the past few days to get my game in a state that could be called "ready to play." that state isn't exactly defined, but i feel good about what i'm finalizing now, and refining can always happen later on. in fact, it most likely will, because i have never made a game before, and it will probably need tweaking. or at the very least i'll think of another 10 things i want to include in my rules and lore documents.

also, hey! my game has a name now! i call it "eXtraOrdinary." i've done a lot of pondering over the exact styling of it: could go for the more basic "Extraordinary" or the more over-the-top "[eXtra]Ordinary" or some other third thing, but i felt settling somewhere in the middle was good. it's (essentially) set in the early 2000s so i wanted something kinda in that vein. it can be abbreviated as XO which i think is cute and snappy. bonus points for being a fall out boy song also.

but hoo boy. feels like i've made so many names for things. languages, gods, champions, holidays... and my methods for coming up with names is that i don't really have a method. really it's more of a few different ways to fish for ideas. mess with translating words into other languages, pick a word related to the thing and make an anagram of it, mush good sounds together until they form a somewhat coherent word, add or subtract letters from a referenced character or term, etc. i think my creative process might just be a somewhat refined stabbing in the dark. guided primarily by vibes.

hopefully tomorrow (today, hi it's after midnight now) i can finish off my checklist and finally be able to call the game DONE. although again, it won't really be done. beyond basic testing and such, i definitely don't have time to create the additional art i had planned on making before this month is over. plus i don't have a design made for character sheets, though if all else fails i suppose i'll just fashion something out of a form-fillable PDF? i dunno.

(if anyone happens to read this that makes character sheets for RPGs, or knows someone who does, comment and let me know.)

unrelated but worth mentioning: cohost's final day is here. i've learned i'm not nearly as attached to cohost as many others, but it will be missed by me nonetheless. pour one out for ol' eggbug. long may they reign.

also unrelated and for no real reason: let's make a tiny playlist. i call it "creature." it's spooky season, after all.

1. vexation - the garden
2. your haunted head - concrete blonde
3. what d'you call it - ultra q
4. shattered glass- virgin in veil
5. everyday is halloween - the last days of jesus

okay love you bye

Current Mood: bouncy

tonight i intended to ride a caffeine high and get some work done on some art for my RPG. what i did instead was play splatoon 3 for like four hours. i even set a couple of timers to signal when i should stop playing and switch gears, but i was flowing so i ignored them. inkbrush good. you'd think with my self-set goal of having my game ready to be played by the end of the month (which is approaching quickly, not a big fan of that) i'd be more focused but... eh. i worked most of this week and i wanted to indulge in the feel-good of the splat

there was a fight at the high school on thursday; this was funny because i was on my lunch/prep period (prep meaning the time of the school day where a teacher doesn't have any kids, so they can get preparations for class done), sitting back eating chips and listening to music when suddenly there was a whole lot of yelling in the hall. i go out and look over the railing down to the first floor and see a pile of girls being pulled apart by school cops and admin (one girl was being held to the ground) right outside the deans' office. the poor ISS sign was knocked down. naturally kids were running over trying to get a good view of the fight, people were hollering, there was chaos in the air. apparently some girl tossed her crutches into the mix in an attempt to help out her sister, but this had the opposite effect. a boy in the class afterward showed me one angle of the fight on his phone. fun times.

(don't tell anyone, but i'm not a very professional substitute teacher.)

tomorrow supposedly me and the roommates are going to drive to the "weed store." i don't plan on making any purchases but will be joining just for the adventure of it. i considered not joining, because i hardly ever get the house to myself, but it's probably better for me to be around people (read: kept engaged/distracted) lately.

i had a nice moment recently when i shared a short bit of writing i wrote a few years ago on a discord server-- someone was very complimentary about it, said they were encouraged by the fact that it was short and good, that it was good because it was short. i knew i liked the piece (and i knew it was at least good enough to partly inspire someone else's DND character) but it's nice to hear that another person liked what you made. and getting to talk about what you made-- good shit, would recommend.

just for fun i made a short playlist to tack onto the end of this journal. call it an EP, maybe. there is a theme to it, but i'm not going to explain it. interpret it as you like and tell me about it. or don't. i'm not a cop.

eighteen - joyce manor
for always - mxpx
a praise chorus - jimmy eat world
gotta let it go - joyce manor
J.A.R. - green day

Current Mood: tired

sitting here, letting all the splatoon idols perform their 'thanks for playing' songs over and over on my TV after the end of the Grand Festival. they're all really nice songs, but i think my favorite is Into the Light. gotta admit, that one has the most poignant story attached to it: it's 'thanks for playing,' but also, 'all these people are coming to the surface to see and feel sunlight for the first time. it's a whole new world.' (splatoon's story is kinda wild.)

i'm feeling sentimental-- granted, splatoon has made me really mad over the years, but it's also a lot of fun. and cool and weird! it's a series that's really about the vibes and i love that. and the devs put a ton of work into so many little details that make the series really something special, i think. i mean, the whole grand festival has been basically Burning Man, with three different stages all having performances going on, with like 10+ songs, including one that combines the motifs of three different idol groups (and still sounds coherent and great!), with choreography AND lights, fireworks, pyro, and other shimmery effects, huge crowds of little jellyfish with glow sticks that jump and sway to all the music, plus all these little stalls and vendors and side characters hanging around... all for a silly squid game. they didn't have to do all that, but they did, and i admire that.

i missed out on splatoon 2, but i did play the first game a lot: about 568 hours, actually. even more of splat3: i just checked and i've played it for 935 hours. that's a grand total of about 1500 hours of the silly squid game (jesus christ). so yeah, it's made a colorful little space in my life, i guess, since that first college summer in 2015.

i'm not really expecting a splatoon 4, but if it does happen, and i can get a hold of whatever comes after the Switch, eh, i'll probably get it. make it 2000 hours, maybe.

so long and thanks for all the fish, splatoon

-bean

Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: into the light - off the hook

seeing all these posts about in-person meet ups to celebrate/mourn Cohost is a little weird. i can't even really imagine doing like a tumblr meet up, let alone a gathering for a teeny little site like Cohost. but i guess the whole thing is unrelatable to me because i've always lived in Irrelevant Town, USA. even when i lived in a "college town" i never felt like i was in a Cool City where Cool People live and Cool Things happen. it was better than my current city, in terms of having things to do and existing, but this whole state is basically a state you forget about in "locate all 50 states" quizzes. you drive through it to get to other states. like imagine living somewhere in the US that matters

i like to think here is more notable than Nebraska though. no shade to any Nebraska-dwellers, of course. i just never hear Anything from or about it.

all this being said, cool things do happen around here on occasion (my city's first Pride was this year! i got a cool dice bracelet there). it's just difficult to hear about events to begin with and then to actually go to them because i don't drive and i'm a humble breadmaker (read: got no money). also my roommates, like myself, don't leave the house unless they have to about 90% of the time. i only went to a bar for the first time at the beginning of this year. it was fun though, we played Uno

i had the idea earlier to maybe post journals in character, with each OC's own little icons and tags. seems fun and i'm kinda inspired by how old school dreamwidth is-- the characters i'd be writing for are in an early 2000s setting so there'd be like ~immersion~. this is largely unrelated to my previous topic but it's fine. i just made this page today, there are no standards to follow

-bean

Current Mood: restless
Current Music: bedroom talk - the starting line

howdy

i don't know exactly what my posts on this site are going to look like; ideally i'll be motivated to write a little bit more than i tend to on the regular, even if it just to ramble or rant about something or other for ye olde dreamwidth. like some number of others, i was inspired to make this account by the imminent shut down of Cohost. i'm sad to see the place go but truth be told i never got around to using Cohost as much as i perhaps should have. ah well. so far the "life raft" discord servers have been fun; if nothing else, i'll be able to say i found my way to those little communities as a result of using Cohost.

anyway, i have a few vague ideas of things to post about here, including:

- RPG sessions (currently i'm in a DND campaign, and i plan on writing at least a little bit about future sessions of the game i'm making at the moment)

- wrestling (yes, professional wrestling, i got into WWE content this spring, yes, it's rhea ripley's fault)

- vidya gaymes i'm playing

- music & playlists (i make a lot of those)

- commentary on various media; just off the top of my head i've had some kind of post about the Daria movie "Is It Fall Yet?" brewing for a while now

etc. etc. we'll see. i can already sense i'm overthinking this first post a bit, so imma cut the cord here.

i love you bye

-bean

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: welcome to paradise - green day

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i don't sit idly by, i'm planning a big surprise, i'm gonna fight for what i wanna be

puzzle games, fighting games, action, RPG, shoot 'em ups, beat 'em ups, virtual reality

deck's stacked like the best of them

Sound System: haha by The Garden (& some rambling)

and so i give (i'm still giving)

now i'm falling asleep just to hold your hands

what's in your head?

don't you wish the orange stayed forever?

aaaaaaaa (that's the sound of progress)

it's 2 AM. that's the title. (also there's a playlist)

staaaay fresh

i found my place in nowhere

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June 2025

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