tiny_voices: jane lane (Default)
i'm tired but i feel like rapid fire rambling about life in general.

still listening to a new (to me) album every week. this week's was Dear You by Jawbreaker. last week's, The Band Geek Mafia by Voodoo Glow Skulls. kinda dropped off watching WWE every week because the ending to the last PLE was in bad taste. instead been going through L.A. by Night which i'm just a few episodes short of finishing. in line with that, i was gifted Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines for my birthday. oh yeah btw i turned 30 a week ago. yikes/yay. the day itself kinda sucked honestly. but i also was gifted the Locked Tomb books, which was a nice surprise. i've been playing a lot of Rareware games while i listen to other things. been going back to work, which has been fine. my roommate's car is fucked again, possibly permanently. waiting for more info on the uh, financial fall out she'll be stuck with there. fuck cars.

gradually making progress on a short story (it may be on the longer side for a short story). gradually cooking a vampire (the masquerade..?) OC just for shits and giggles. unsure how to feel about the upcoming animated homestuck series(???) but excited for the animated mighty nein series. somewhat interested in critical role campaign 4; likely won't watch it live or keep up with that well because i just have other things i'm into all the time. sometimes struggling to stay positive/optimistic considering the things that keep happening in the World. slowly downloading my favorite BikdipOnABus videos in case i lose (reasonable) access to youtube, and because i kinda wanted to anyway. toying with the idea of putting one of the playthroughs onto a DVD. i've moved a bunch of stuff from google docs to ellipsus because you never know what might happen. we keep hoping our neighbor's confederate flag gets taken away by storm winds. i bought a ghost-shaped water bottle today.

hanging in there.
tiny_voices: jane lane (Default)
at the beginning of the month i decided to try out short form journaling each day, just for the hell of it. behold.

june 1st:
made curry over rice and vegetables (and spam) again rather successfully. took a walk; saw a sink next to the sidewalk. nice mild weather. wrote up an outline for a short story i've been working on. played starfox 64 and found it actually kind of challenging for the first time in a long time. listened to the One Last Wish album. happy pride.

june 2nd:
did some cleaning. wore a shirt i cut the sleeves off of (looks pretty good). sat in the sun for a few minutes like a lizard. watched btvs with my roommates. read a short story. started on the line art of my latest project. got some bad news (from the internet) and watched some wrestling.

june 3rd:
listened to Let It Enfold You (twice actually). started a new game file on Pokemon Sword on a whim. had a waffle house chicken sandwich. it was the first summer-hot day of june. i took it pretty easy.

june 4th:
had the house to myself in the morning. played more pokemon, struggling to name things and pick what i want on my team. made progress on Art Project and honed in more on an unrelated character design. revisited an old podcast. took a walk at night and revisited You're Gonna Miss It All which was a really nice combination.

june 5th:
finished a really good book of short stories (Things to Do When You're Goth in the Country). allowed time to get away from me. made pasta for dinner. watched btvs with The House, then watched wrestling with The Creature. took a late night shower.

june 6th:
started out the day kind of annoyed at ongoing House Issues. watched a video about a guy that used to be in a prison gang talking about his life. finalized(?) my team in pokemon sword. made a lot of progress on my art project; the next steps are figuring out a background and maybe doing shading. started reading a stupid fanfic on a whim; it sucks but i'm kind of inspired by it. still did not play dnd.

june 7th:
had a lot of time alone in the house. swept and mopped the (non-carpet) floors. read a bit in The Nineties by Chuck Klosterman. watched a lot of wrestling-- Worlds Collide and Money in the Bank.

june 8th:
the sparrows were dramatic today, and they emptied the feeder in like 24 hours. finished my art project and posted it, even. made curry again-- the korean bbq spam was a little too much for the dish, i think. my roommate gave me a key chain of a vintage spoon with a bird on it (the scarlet tanager). took a night walk.

june 9th:
did some writing after being blocked for a while. felt kinda shitty for like half the day. went down a rabbit hole of 2000s emo home videos on youtube. found a website that's kinda beancore (hairandflannel.com) in a search to understand the meaning of the term "butt rock." made a note to listen to a Pearl Jam record at some point.

june 10th:
still focused on writing; did a bit in the morning and some more at night. lamented that the new splatoon game is a switch 2 exclusive, then considered playing splat3 again because of the update. sunset walk. my (other) roommate gave me a little possum toy.

june 11th:
slightly weird roller coaster-ish emotions today. looked through the old gaming magazine i looked at all the time as a kid. messed around on gifcities.org. into A Fox in Space lately. wishing that lawn mowers were quieter.

june 12th:
happy birthday TOYPAJ. listened to that and a Slayer album, the latter with the onion. read more in the nineties book. drew/designed the antagonist of a short story i'm writing. walked late again; i like seeing tiny glimpses into peoples' houses through their windows, the little orange squares against the blue of the evening. another late night geocities deep dive and conversations about music.

june 13th:
played dnd again finally (mostly combat). it was rainy and really humid. mostly preoccupied with life stuff.

june 14th:
nearly at the end of the Sword playthrough. putting together a playlist of songs to show to the creature. discovered an ant colony literally outside the house. trying to fill up a page of the sketchbook, even if it's with garbage. no kings.

june 15th:
finished pokemon and started the post-game "story" but it's likely i won't go back to it and will instead play splatoon 3 to see what the update is about. got out my old ipod nano and copied the videos onto my computer; uploaded a bunch of them to youtube into a new playlist. wrote a post about this experience. great day.

june 16th:
roughly six hours of sleep (oops). played splatoon 3 for the first time in months, trying (with success, mostly) to actually quit playing when i get annoyed. wrote a couple songs intended to be songs by my emo band OCs. there were lots of fireflies outside tonight. made a very shitty 8 second long video.

june 17th:
technically "yesterday" i stayed up really late again, writing. watched Raw and wrote another song for the OCs. drew a little bit. having a good time, feeling a little crazy.

june 18th:
planned a new collaborative writing thing with my roommate. more emo OC song/poetry writing. was trying to practice one of the splatoon 3 ranked modes but got interrupted by a storm that was only really nasty for a few minutes. took a walk later in the night; some limbs down.

june 19th:
low energy kind of day. did some drawing and reading. listened to a lot of music with the onion, feeling better after that.

june 20th:
shopping day-- groceries seem to have taken most of my energy. listened/learned about lots of songs with heavy lyrical content and/or origins. went down a rabbit hole of morbid shit. watched Young Frankenstein after whining about movies for a while.

june 21st:
did the cleaning chores early in the day (still post-10 AM). went walking at the state park with my dad. 91 degrees at the hottest, but it was a good time. had arby's with my parents afterward. came home and watched my roommate play deltarune while i played melee.

june 22nd:
last few days have felt like a different "era" of the summer from the first couple weeks; unsure if that makes sense to anyone but myself. read a full chapter and a half in The Nineties (full chapter about the internet, very interesting). assisted with and enjoyed a meal made by roommate. melee kept freezing so i started playing pseudoregalia for the first time in almost a year.

june 23rd:
bad day.

june 24th:
still not great, but better i guess. playing a lot of pokemon puzzle league and watching spoony one's wrestling vlogs. made a nice dinner for myself.

june 25th:
had a Conversation, which went about well as i could've hoped. mild thunderstorm in the afternoon. stopping at the last stage of the puzzle league's hard mode, but after practicing in another mode i'm mildly improving. "we take those" kinda day.

june 26th:
have now cleared puzzle league's hard mode twice. for the second day in a row saw a black squirrel (i've taken to calling it "handsome critter") hanging out around the birdfeeder. watched lucha underground. went old school and made a CD of say hello to sunshine by downloading songs from youtube and burning them to a disc in itunes.

june 27th:
made another cd. played dnd. did minor research about being a (writing) editor. still watching a lot of spoony's wrestling videos-- ones i've not watched before because i mistakenly thought they wouldn't be interesting/funny. making a list of more music to download and amass.

june 28th:
chores early, then wwe event after. it was alright. roommate made sloppy joes and cinnamon rolls for us all. i got two games for $7 in the steam summer sale. crash bandicoot is both entertaining and the most bullshit thing i've ever played.

june 29th:
had the house to myself for a while. made some interesting spam sandwiches. played more crash bandicoot (still bs). managed to write 500 words in a short story. took a sunset walk.

june 30th:
tackled another Conversation, which was fine, actually. listened to fantastic planet by failure. trying to lay the groundwork for another scene in that story. burned a scary bitches CD. aside from some hitches, june was pretty good.
tiny_voices: jane lane (Default)
for years i've had this box of boxes with my old apple devices in it, most notably my first one, a blue ipod nano. after a quick jog over to apple's website i've determined it's a 5th generation nano. apparently these were the first ipods to have a camera and microphone; older ones could play videos, but not record them. i purchased my little blue rectangle with my own savings, and because i also kept the receipt, i know this purchase took place on august 18, 2010 at 7:25 PM (shortly after my 15th birthday). the price was $145, though i paid slightly less thanks to the target employee discount my dad had at the time. i'm getting a little wistful imagining paying relatively so little for an iphone nowadays.

anyway, back in 2012 and 2013 i dug out the nano to upload some videos sitting on it to youtube, only getting about a third of the way done before promptly dropping this project... until today. today wasn't significant, it's just when i finally got back around to it. i had been a little concerned the ipod wouldn't work anymore, having been unused for over a decade, but i plugged it in and it reacted immediately, turning on and charging like no time had passed at all. i let it charge while i did the dishes, then came back for further investigation.

i think it's a stylish little guy whose design holds up. the blue exterior looks nice especially with the sleek sheen on it (which was also new to the gen 5 nano). i dig the control scheme based around running your thumb along the circle of buttons to scroll and change the volume, though the buttons on mine seem a bit worn out and sometimes only work if i really press on them. the battery seemed worn out too, not holding charge for very long (i had to plug it in while browsing the music library and videos). the time and date were both incorrect, displaying that it was the morning of may 27, 2013... which is the same day i uploaded some of its videos to youtube. in all likelihood, that really was the last time i had touched this ipod. really made this feel like opening a time capsule i buried when i was 17 years old.

so, what's on this thing?

it's really just music and videos. to be precise: 439 songs, 30 videos... and 3 games, which i'm assuming are loaded on the nano by default. no pictures, no voice memos, no contacts.

the music is about what i expected. my music taste hasn't really changed since back then, or rather, it's expanded and developed, but i still like pretty much all the music i listened to as a teenager. there's multiple full albums from the beancore classics: green day, sum 41, blink 182, the blink-182 spin-offs, new found glory, mxpx. assorted albums and/or handfuls of tracks from the wonder years, linkin park, yellowcard, the story so far. nice batch of songs from the pillows (the FLCL soundtrack, basically). few bits and bobs, or in some cases a single bit or bob, from jimmy eat world, relient k, set your goals, all american rejects, emily's army, and the starting line. two songs i don't think i recognize now from rise against. to my surprise, no paramore at all. and even more surprising, homestuck-- two official tracks, and a handful of fansongs. i'm talking broadway karkat, fawn, and kylee henke. it's 2025 and i played 8lack Romance on my ipod nano. ridiculous. the original video of that song isn't even on youtube anymore, from what i can find.

i'm not certain when i would've stopped using this ipod, though my best guess would be at some point in 2013, around when i got my ipod touch. i really figured this nano would've predated my obsessive entry into homestuck, but that was at the beginning of 2013, so i guess there was probably some overlap there. i don't know exactly when i got the ipod touch because it never made it to the old devices hoard due to the screen being cracked and possibly risky to touch. (one night i rather carelessly tossed it across my room, aiming for my bed but missing by a few inches and face-planting the poor thing directly onto the hardwood floor.)

getting back on track, what about the videos? in short, it's a bunch of random shit from 2010 through 2012. but, random shit i'm very glad to have found again.

conveniently, all of the time and date information for these videos is intact. the earliest recordings are a set of three "point the ipod at a computer screen" videos that i've since archived properly-- these were taken from an old blogspot site about a grandmother that plays video games. then there's the video from september 11, 2010, taken up at The Lake. i'm really happy about this one because i had almost entirely forgotten about it, and it's a lot of my parents and i laughing at some goofy tangent my mom went on. plus, due to the date, there's footage of obama giving a speech with my mom's commentary running in the background (she loves obama; she refers to former president george w. bush as "skippy"). next up chronologically was a few videos i took of my uncle's wedding in october, which amazingly includes the officiator declaring the marriage official by the power vested in him by god and the justice league of america.

there are a couple videos from 2011 that are mostly irrelevant-- one i took of school of rock on tv while... somewhere. i'm not sure where. i'm pretty sure my cousin's also there watching the movie with me, but i don't recognize the room. the other is the entirety of the adventure time episode "What Was Missing," recorded by pointing my ipod at the tv. you know, the bubbline episode? yeah.

on april 17, 2011 i sat down and took 17 videos of... 17 videos. you see, back in the day, before youtube was the only video site that mattered, there was google video. and i found this guy that uploaded a bunch of videos of him and his friends playing super smash bros. melee and acting like the knucklehead teenagers they were. being a knucklehead teenager myself, i thought these videos were hilarious, and i watched them all the time, and so years down the line i wanted to have them available elsewhere. but i lacked the means and know-how to download them. these videos were originally recorded by pointing a camera at a tv screen (which means they all have a black bar repetitively scrolling down the screen the whole time)... so then my recordings were made by pointing a camera at a screen showing a camera pointing at a screen. and 17 might sound like a lot of videos but there were a lot more that i didn't ever record, and are likely lost to time now. RIP google video. (this was the set of videos i had in mind when starting this little project... it took me 13 years to upload 17 videos to youtube. fuck with me. but picking up where i left off was incredibly easy because i had left a list of these videos, numbered based on the file names, in the box i was storing the ipod in. the ones i had done already were checked off. i had expected this process to take a long time today but it really was just plug in and go, done in like 20 minutes.)

the videos from 2012 were all taken during the summer. i have two videos of my high school's marching band performances at the state fair. the crowd is incredibly fucking loud in both of them. the last video, taken on my 17th birthday, is of my former best friend playing Slender on my computer while we say stupid shit to each other; this one i had posted to facebook long ago. but the big win of this set was from the last day of july where i do a sort of tour of my bedroom. with sum 41 blaring from my speakers i walk around and zoom in on the printer-paper posters on the walls, the disorganized contents of my bookshelf, and my bass guitar. there's a brief glimpse at 2012-era youtube and my internet explorer bookmark bar, which includes the neopets homepage and punk-o-matic 2. my very first cell phone, in all its red clam shell glory, makes an appearance. absolute time capsule of a video, god bless.

this little project has brought me more joy than i expected. i was really hyped that the ipod still works and that recovering some record of this era of my life was not only possible, but so easy. i love snapshots of times past and piecing together a little timeline from details like dates and times and my own recollections. i don't know why but i find it so fascinating to look at some event and think of what else was happening at that time, or just before or after it. i like to think of periods in my life based on what things i was really into at the time. plus it's nice to have an archive of otherwise unavailable videos; it's nice to have an external version of your memories, i guess.

maybe i'll do another room tour video. after all, in the future i'll probably end up looking back on now and think it's cool that i can see what things looked like back then.

my ipod nano with homestuck music playing
tiny_voices: jane lane (Default)
i think maybe the moments when it feels best to be a writer— or, i'd presume, an artist, or whatever sort of Creative one may be— are the quick, quiet ones, stolen almost, during a shift at work or some other time that isn't really yours, when you're writing or reading (or what have you) and realize that's what your life really is. the job is a necessity, but it's background noise. the people around you that don't get it— set dressing. they're involved in plays outside of your own. but you have this secret inner world, this secret land either of your own making or from a fellow artist's making, and even though it's fictional, it feels more real than the din and motion around you. soon, the shift will be over, the meeting will end, your obligation will be fulfilled, and then you can return to your actual life, what you actually care about.

not in a way that confuses reality with fiction; quite the opposite. the fiction, even in its flaws and drama and impossibilities, is safer and brighter than the worlds we're actually inhabiting. the world i made is, in some ways, a dollhouse, but i can share it with other like-minded weirdos and they can add their own dolls and dollhouses, and the possibilities there go on forever, and that connection is everything. isn't it? the job is bullshit. the obligations are bullshit. the people in power angry at everything they don't understand are bullshit. but our art? that's something we can focus on and thrive on and feel good about it. that's what life ought to be. these moments are like little glimpses into a better world.

(all this inspired by: sitting in a classroom at another person's desk, reading a friend's series of vignettes about his RPG character, and feeling a shimmer of something)
tiny_voices: jane lane (Default)
okay so i haven't posted in forever but if i'm gonna post just once in this blue moon, it should be on 4/13, no?

i don't exactly recall why i stopped posting here, aside from the usual 'just didn't feel like it,' but i think it had something to do with my de-prioritizing my Sound System posts because i was more invested in my other avenues of writing, most of which were never destined to be shared here. i have still been listening to a new album every week though, and i started listing them all on a spreadsheet. here's all the new (to me) albums i have gone through since the year began that i haven't written up a review for:

Witch - Witch (2006)
The Cure - Pornography (1982)
Jets to Brazil - Orange Rhyming Dictionary (1998)
Depeche Mode - Some Great Reward (1984)
Straight Line Stitch - To Be Godlike (2006)
Story of the Year - Page Avenue (2003)
The Clash - London Calling (1979)
AFI - Sing the Sorrow (2003)
Nirvana - Bleach (1989)
Origami Angel - Feeling Not Found (2024)

i've generally enjoyed these albums and have been able to capital-L Like at least one or two tracks from each. i haven't really branched out that much from what i already listen to a lot, which i would still like to do as the year goes on.

as for life in general, it's happening in a pretty typical fashion. going to work, playing a Lot of PokeRogue, contending with the constant droning hum of the state of the world in the background. my roommates and i have been doing this thing where we share our creative endeavors every sunday to sort of foster motivation/encouragement to make cool things. i was actually drawing in my sketchbook a lot more than usual for a couple weeks there (spring break). that's kind of slowed down but this week at least i did a little writing and some designing of fakemon (fake pokemon) just for shits and giggles. but that's a fun process, developing my idea in multiple drafts until i end up with the final design i like the most. this is probably very standard in character design, but it's a little novel to me. it's also a little novel to me to be learning how to be cool with imperfection in my art. gotta turn off that evil perfectionist creature in my brain, or at least lower its volume.

oh, and there was the bigass tornado-producing storm we in the midwest experienced last week. the tornadoes were not actually produced here where i live, but the storm did knock out power for large chunks of the city for a day or so and school was cancelled for two days. it was scary, having all the lights go out and then the rain (and hail, apparently?) and the wind making the house make noises, constant lightning making the sky look like a foggy rave, and huddling with my roommates in the master bedroom closet. but we were not hurt and our house wasn't damaged either. the morning after i walked around the neighborhood and saw several houses with tree limbs or whole trees fallen on them, wrecking overhangs and porches, lines down, all that. wild shit. it's the sort of thing that makes you wanna not live in the tornado-est area of the States, but it's tough just moving somewhere else. like even just financially.

anywayyyyyyyy... wrestlemania's next weekend! i've been watching wrestling for a whole year now. still really fun. never would've expected to get as much juice and pulp out of such a ridiculous theatrical concept, but there's nothing exactly like it. sip sip. (terrible. i don't even like pulp. whatever, the metaphor stands.) i also finished my second complete watch of Daria. still fantastic. and i've (tentatively) suckered another person into also watching it. all part of my evil plan. i started re-watching critical role's campaign 2 because the Mighty Nein is king, but i really fell off with that one after 20 or so episodes. great actual play stuff but it's just... a lot of video. hundreds of hours. maybe i'll get back to it, maybe not.

i got another tattoo. just a little guy on my right hand. sketchy heart-shaped skull, from the comic Serenity Rose which everyone should read. that's another part of my evil plan. go read it now! anyway now i kinda want another hand tattoo, one to match it on my opposite hand. it never ends, i tell ya

there's also another notable life update, but i choose to keep my explanation of that very short and very vague: onions are good.

so yeah i dunno, i'm alright. this is a post. there will be more in the future, maybe soon, maybe later. hang in there, kids.
tiny_voices: jane lane (Default)
probably not going to do a Sound System review this week. just 'cause. i will still try to fit in a listen-through some album off my list here in the coming hours though. possibly this stoner metal band Witch that my roommate discovered by sifting through many, many records in a flea market last weekend.

it was a cool little shop-- somehow i hadn't realized a flea market was basically an antique shop? sorta? either that or i've been using the term "antique shop" incorrectly, but words are made up, so whatever. (i also kinda figured flea markets were like, open air, but we definitely wouldn't have been perusing one of those in this weather.) i walked out of there with a dark red Avon Cape Cod glass, labelled as a "ruby gothic mug," and it makes me feel a little like a vampire when i drink out of it. also had a very nice visit with the local witch store cats. one in particular was a perfect baby, very social, very friendly, greeting all who came in. i don't participate in any witchy things-- nothing wrong with them, but i'm afraid the ritual-ness of them would hit me in a bad spot mental illness-wise-- but it's kinda neat to sit back and observe my roommate's developing interest in them from a safe distance. and hey, i did get a surprise check from my insurance company during the month she did a cinnamon ritual, so maybe that stuff works sometimes. nothing wrong with a little whimsy.

i got to enjoy some shortened work days tuesday and wednesday, thanks to it being Really Fucking Cold. hurts to breathe levels of cold. i heard from a student that the teacher i subbed for apparently speaks fondly of me to her students, which is nice. i am not sure what she has to brag or otherwise muse about; i'm pretty sure i was only in her class for one semester, and more than 10 years ago to boot. sure, it was a creative writing class and i am a creative writer, and i majored in that same subject in college, but i wasn't like, a teacher's pet or anything. i think most of this teacher's experiences with me consist of me quietly doing my work in her class. maybe my writing assignments just left an impression on her? maybe she appreciated that i submitted a poem to the school's writing/art magazine? i don't know. sometimes it's hard to understand what other people see in us and like so much, but i'm grateful for it anyway. and she's a good teacher, a good person.

(my poem for that magazine was very inspired by twenty one pilots, by the way. it was opposite to a piece of homestuck fanart. ah, 2013.)

these past few days i've played through Hypnospace Outlaw, just finished it last night. very good game! i had actually started it twice previously but got stuck and dropped it, unfortunately. it's a game you can really deep dive into, just looking around at things and getting an idea of the world the game exists in. or more accurately, discovering how every username and interaction online connects back to actual people with rich inner lives and complexities. plus it's set in the late 90s so that's up my alley from the jump. earlier today i also got Slayers X, which is a rather different beast in terms of gameplay (it's a DOOM shooter) but in-universe it's made by one of the users you encounter in Hypnospace Outlaw. i loved his edgy-ass page that autoplayed Linkin Park-esque jams. Seepage does in fact rock. anyway if you like old internet shit and puzzles, please play Hypnospace Outlaw it's really good

a while ago i took a shot at cooking a simple recipe i found online, to make dinner for myself and my roommates. it was a one skillet stuffed pepper kinda thing, and... it came out pretty good! could maybe use a little more flavor, and my roommates suggested adding some pasta and maybe some onions to it, but it was very edible. i made a food and it was good. go me! i should/will do that again sometime

this week i will be trying to get my shit together for another eXtraOrdinary session, which has been slow work so far, and just generally trying to take it easy beyond that. and then, finally, january will be the fuck over. hallelujah peanut butter.

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